My Heart Sorroweth (2 Ne. 4:17)

Throughout my life, learning of the obedience and diligence of men and women like Nephi shaped in me a belief that they were real-life spiritual superheroes, perfect in their faith and resolve. Life’s experience, as well as further study and prayer, have taught me these people had the same doubts, fears, and discouragement that we all encounter in life. As I've pondered some of Nephi’s admitted struggles, he has become even more endearing to me.

Nephi thought it was important we know he faced both afflictions and blessings throughout his life—the first verse he writes foreshadows the heights and depths he will take us through as we read his account. Think of it—he went from a life of privilege to that of a wandering pilgrim. He was commanded do to things that were super-human and beyond comprehension! In his family life, he experienced great joy and the worst situations imaginable—attempted murder and ultimately, war among his own family.

Nephi writes of “being sorrowful” and of their difficulties time and again; when trying to retrieve the brass plates as commanded, when they are without food and permanent shelter, and when he is unable to convince his brothers of the goodness (and reality) of God. He speaks of their affliction as family members died, and as women bore and raised their children in the hardest of circumstances. Nephi does not go into great detail; in fact he states that it was not possible to write of all their afflictions and difficulty.

Nephi writes with sadness of the afflictions and challenges faced by his younger brothers, who witness much anger and violence at young ages. He shares how others were punished for ‘sticking up’ for him, or pleading on his behalf when he was under attack by his wicked, scheming brothers. He writes of his wife pleading tearfully for his life, and the tears and prayers of his own children, begging for Nephi’s release at the hand of his treacherous brothers—their uncles.

Perhaps the worst moments and deepest sorrows he endured could not be put into words. While his family wandered in the wilderness, and when he was probably in his early- to mid-twenties, Nephi saw in vision his entire posterity—all of his seed and family—overcome by the seed of his wicked brothers. In the same vision he saw the family of Laman and Lemuel ultimately suffer, become scattered, and very nearly become extinct. Imagine going on for another fifty-plus years, striving, trying, preaching, begging, praying, and seemingly never giving up on attempting to convince his people to come unto Christ, while knowing, from a mortal perspective at least, it was all in vain—they were going to perish.

Nephi’s lesson to us, however, is that we love and strive and keep pressing forward, even while knowing we’ll face seemingly insurmountable challenges. If he could endure all he did, knowing the mortal calamity that would be the result for his posterity, we can keep going, can’t we? Nephi maintained an eternal perspective, knowing Christ’s atonement meant all would be resurrected, and there is spiritual hope and repentance available to each of us—and that progression does not end with this life.

2 Nephi 4 is a favorite of mine—it includes the so-called “Psalm of Nephi.” This is as much detail, or at least depth of expression, that I’ve found in any of his writings. Nephi describes his heart groaning for his sins, he speaks of his afflictions, and he shares with us all the feelings of his heart, including pain, anguish, and sorrow. In the same breath, he demonstrates again his great faith, his resolution, his love of God, his awareness of His grace, his will to press on. The prayerful, positive self-talk he shares with us should be revisited again and again!

It is easy to look at a man like Nephi, and assume he was better than us, different from us, and that he was somehow impervious to the frustrations of life. However, upon closer study, we see he endured more challenge, frustration, and temptation than most of us will experience in our lifetimes. I’m grateful we have his record and example to learn from—it helps me get through the times when my own heart “sorroweth.” And mostly, I’m grateful God has blessed me with the knowledge of the Book of Mormon and of His plan of happiness. Like Nephi, I know I can get through today!

Led to a Land of Promise (1 Nephi 2:20)

In the opening pages of the Book of Mormon, Nephi’s father Lehi has a vision in which Jerusalem is destroyed. He is commanded by the Lord to warn the people of the city, who mock and even seek to kill him. Subsequently, the Lord commands Lehi to take his family and flee into the Arabian wilderness. He is told that if he keeps the Lord’s commandments, he and his family will be “led to a land of promise; yea, even a land which I have prepared for you; yea, a land which is choice above all other lands” (1 Ne 2:20).

We read of the family’s highs and lows, their periods of trial and times of blessing. Their course is not easy. Young mothers had babies and reared children in tents and on the move. They endured times of near-starvation, avoiding marauders along the way. There were internal family struggles, including death threats among brothers and in-laws. Loved ones died, their ailments and suffering certainly compounded because of the physical conditions they endured. A dozen years after leaving the comfort of the family’s lands and estate, they landed in the Americas, where they had to plant and harvest and build a new life and community from the ground up.

From a certain view, all that work and sacrifice may not seem like such a reward. However, all of God’s children can benefit from the sacrifice and faith of Nephi and his family. Consider the additional scriptures brought forth, the record of Christ’s visit to the Americas, and the restoration of so many of God’s truths and doctrines as a result. Nephi knew he was blessed, and because of his faithful perseverance, I’ve been blessed too.

Years ago, when our first son Ethan was just a baby, I had a dream. My wife Darcie and I were walking, pushing Ethan in a small, rickety stroller. We walked for miles, day and night for weeks and weeks. We were in a seemingly never-ending run-down city that can only be described as a slum. It was dirty, dangerous and scary, and we walked through wind and rain and heat. Finally, we climbed a great hill, arriving at a new house in a lovely neighborhood with tree-lined streets. We somehow knew this new house was our home, and we walked through its doors in peaceful, joyful comfort.

I have often pondered that dream, thinking of its significant lessons. On one level, I took comfort, knowing the six days a week I worked while we lived in a tiny, old, rented duplex would eventually pay off, and we would one day live in a nicer home. Over time, I grew to believe the dream was not meant to teach or remind me about striving for prosperity, but to encourage me as I fought through challenges that come to a young father doing his best to raise a family—a message something like, ‘don’t worry, you’ll get through this.’

After almost twenty years of thinking of this simple dream, I have thought of other lessons it teaches. The house in my dream was clean, bright, and beautiful, but also modest. It reminds me not to aspire for riches, but to put the Lord first and let Him take care of the rest of my temporal needs. The dream is also a reminder of the mansions the Lord has prepared for us in His Father’s house.

The parallel between traveling to the house in my dream, and the Nephites’ striving to reach a promised land prepared by God, didn’t dawn on me until a recent re-reading of Nephi’s writings. Prayerfully reading the scriptures, pondering them, and also contemplating the lessons of my own little dream has led me to ask myself a new question…

What promised land (metaphorically and literally) has the Lord prepared for me to reach in this life? And what land of promise has He prepared for you?

What Great Things!

Nephi’s family had been living in the wilderness for months, maybe even a year or more, when a huge conflict threatened to stop their progress altogether. The sons of Lehi had gotten the brass plates from Laban, pursued by an army of fifty, successful only by the grace and power of God.

They had later gone back to bring Ishmael and his family out of Jerusalem, the Lord softening Ishmael’s heart as Nephi spoke “the words of the Lord” to his family. As they journeyed from Jerusalem back to where Lehi and Sariah had pitched their tents and built a temporary ‘home,’ there was a division in the group.

Laman and Lemuel, along with Ishmael’s two sons and their families, and two of Ishmael’s sisters rebelled, and in fact threatened and even attempted to kill Nephi. As Nephi tried to get them to see the ‘big picture,’ he asks them a number of questions. One of these questions was particularly poignant.

“How is it that ye have not seen what great things the Lord hath done for us?” (1 Ne. 7:11, italics added).

What great things. Those three words may define the difference between Nephi and his unbelieving brothers. In fact, just the punctuation at the end of this three-word phrase is the great differentiator, isn’t it?

I envision Nephi’s brothers adding a huge question mark at the end of this phrase, metaphorically stated in a big, bold font with a huge typeface. You can hear them asking, “What great things?” They saw no great things, only loss and sacrifice. The loss of their money, the loss of their home, the loss of their status. The loss of comfort and of all the worldly pleasures the Lord had led them from.

On the other hand, one can hear Nephi expounding on the great things the Lord had indeed done for them… Leading them away from destruction, leading them through the wilderness safely, protecting them from the dangers they’d faced, delivering the brass plates—which held the scriptures and genealogy they needed to preserve and build their family and society. Visions, visitations, protection, and preservation of God’s word—what great things! You can practically hear Nephi shout it!

Our own attitudes can shift, with just a change in punctuation, or an addition or omission of a single word.

“Why me?” becomes “Why not?”

“We’re doing that?” becomes “We’re doing this!”

“Can I?” becomes “I can!”

It doesn’t take much time or effort to find other examples—combinations of words, syllables, and squiggly dots and lines that become punctuation. Punctuation or phrasing that will make all the difference in gratitude, determination, confidence and comfort.

Easier said than done, right? Sure. But saying it is the start. Changing your language changes your mindset. The biggest voices bellowing at us, for better or for worse, are our own. Changing the tone, tenor, and a word—even a punctuation mark—can change our lives. It’s a start, getting us on the path to bigger and better decisions and, well, things.

Great things!

I Went Up into the Mountain

Nephi's People Near the Mountains

There’s just something singular about being in the mountains, isn’t there? I can go to beautiful places in my favorite cities and towns, see historical monuments, or go to a scenic park, but nothing compares to the solitude, peace, and perspective I gain when I get up to a higher elevation, away from the mundane cares and noise of city and suburban life.

I have great memories of mountain adventures I experienced in my youth… Campouts, fishing adventures, backpacking, trips to Grandpa and Grandma’s (who lived in the Sierra Nevada mountains just outside Nevada City). While the survival skills, fishing techniques, cardiovascular gains, and physical strength we attain in the mountains are great, they do not compare to the spiritual growth we can experience there.

Nephi had an epic vision, of which he wrote an extensive record. As he begins this account, he tells us that he was “caught away in the Spirit of the Lord… into an exceedingly high mountain.” In my view, you can’t overestimate the significance of this starting point for such a majestic vision. It was important to Nephi that he include this mountain scene.

Mountains are prominent throughout the scriptures. We have just a small portion of Jesus’ life and ministry recorded, yet mountains play a pronounced role in what is known about His life. He apparently took comfort there, and seemingly felt he could best commune with the Father from a mountain setting. Luke mentions that Christ was “wont” to go to the Mount of Olives—he went there often. After the Last Supper, Jesus sung hymns with his disciples on the Mount of Olives immediately before descending—literally and figuratively—to the Garden of Gethsemane, and all He faced there.

We read of Jesus going up to a mountain to pray on multiple occasions. He often taught his followers on mountains. He and Peter, James and John were transfigured on a mountain. Prior to calling his twelve apostles, Jesus went up into a mountain to pray. When he ordained the twelve, it was on a mountain. Satan certainly made an error in his trying to tempt Jesus, taking Him to a high mountain. This seemed to be a setting Jesus longed for, and one where He apparently felt closest to His Father.

Fun with the kids

Nephi, too, spent time in the mountains. At a turning point in the Book of Mormon, Nephi is told by the voice of the Lord to get up into the mountain. There, he was commanded and instructed to build the ship that would carry them to the promised land. Nephi tells us he “did go unto the mountain oft, and I did pray oft unto the Lord; wherefore the Lord showed unto me great things” (1 Ne. 18:3).

Me, fishing at age 9

I’ve had spiritual experiences in the mountains too, and the Lord has shown me great things there. One such experience stays with me, almost thirty years later. As a young man, I attended an early morning Easter Sunday meeting, on the side of a hill, watching the sun rise, and listening to testimonies being shared about the Savior—the Risen Son. I don’t recall the specific words spoken, but I remember the Spirit telling me Jesus Christ is real, and that He lived, suffered, and was resurrected for us—that His Atonement is real. This was with a group of people I didn’t know well at all—a new Church group in a new town. As I sat there with mostly total strangers, I’d never felt less alone—I felt God’s infinite love.

The Book of Mormon, and in particular Nephi, has taught me to seek the Lord, to pray often, and to draw near to Him. And an effective, enlightening way to do this is to ‘get up into the mountain.’ I wonder what great things the Lord is waiting to show to me and to you?

Feast Upon the Words of Christ

Fifty-five years after Nephi left Jerusalem, he concludes his record. He had kept these records for decades, leaving Jerusalem as an ‘exceedingly young’ man, and had reflected, pondered, and recorded the most sacred, precious events of his life. He surely put a lot of thought into his parting words, and they ought to be studied!

Nephi lays out the basic principles of faith, repentance, baptism, and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost—all the key steps of getting onto the straight and narrow path leading back to our Heavenly Father’s presence. He then talks of the importance of what we do after getting onto the path. Among Nephi’s final words of advice to us: “Feast upon the words of Christ; for behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.”

Nephi’s love of the scriptures—the ‘words of Christ’—is evident throughout his writings; he quotes many prophets, expounds on the visions he and his father Lehi had, used scripture stories to teach his family, and drew strength from the accounts of others in facing his own spiritual and physical challenges. Perhaps no other phrase than ‘feasting on the words of Christ’ can sum up his conviction on the importance of scripture study.

A tray of fruit to start-- Rob has killer knife skills!

One of the appealing things about the Book of Mormon is the straightforward approach of much of its language, especially when compared to the Old Testament. For example, Ezekiel had a vision where an angel lays out a roll of parchment. We pick up the narrative in Ezekiel 3:1. “Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel. So I opened my mouth, and he caused me to eat that roll. And he said unto me, Son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee.” While the Book of Ezekiel contains beautifully written prophecy and counsel, I appreciate Nephi’s directness in proclaiming, “feast upon the words of Christ.”

I’m reminded of a time when my wife’s brother Robert came to visit our family during the week of Mother’s Day. Robert, a trained chef, cooked for us seemingly all weekend, delivering what can only be described as an exquisite feast!

Chef Rob and Me

Every ingredient of every dish had been chosen with care—he and Darcie had visited several markets to get the freshest meat, fish, fruits and vegetables, all grown or harvested locally. His knives were sharpened to exact precision, he had specific music he liked to cook to. Every dish was prepared with exact attention to detail—the vegetables and fruit were sliced uniformly, each component seasoned precisely, all of it cooked to perfection; every course building on the flavor and delight of the previous one. It was remarkable! He is a true craftsman, and it was a joy to watch him work.

And of course, eating the literal fruits of all that labor was just awesome! A highlight was the seared halibut cheeks in an incredible sauce—it all came together amazingly! Every bite was to be savored—I chewed slowly, letting the layers of flavor permeate what felt like my whole soul. Each bite was anticipated and treasured, and I’ll never forget that meal. That was feasting!

How much more lovingly has God prepared His plan for us! How much more detailed is the creation, how much deeper the impact of the Atonement, how much more to be sampled, treasured, and feasted upon in His Word, than in that magnificent meal Chef Rob prepared for me? The answer, of course, is infinitely more. God’s love, power, glory, grace, and words are to be not just read about, thought about, or wondered about. As Nephi counsels, they are to be feasted upon, for a lifetime and beyond!

Just a portion of Rob's feast prep

An Introduction to Nephi

Around 550 B.C. a man wrote, "…the words which I have spoken are sufficient to teach any man the right way; for the right way is to believe in Christ." Who was this man, boldly proclaiming his teachings would help men and women know the right way and draw closer to God? Where did he live, how did he see the world, and what did he experience? What can we gain by trying to learn of Nephi’s perspective?

Nephi left his family's estate near Jerusalem when they fled the Holy Land around 600 B.C., avoiding the destruction that had been prophesied. He became the group's leader as his family attracted more followers and grew into an industrious community.

By developing his faith, humility, and determination, he helped the community navigate and survive for years, eventually building a ship, crossing the ocean, and settling in the Americas—a journey that lasted well over a decade. He recorded the historical and spiritual high points of his family and community throughout his adult life, and those writings begin what is now known as the Book of Mormon.

Nephi had visions, including seeing the birth and atonement of Jesus Christ. He taught powerfully; his words are the introduction for many to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2500 years after he wrote them. 'Mormons' get their nickname from the ancient prophet-historian who compiled centuries' worth of writing into the volume that would bear his name, The Book of Mormon.

As a lifelong Latter-day Saint, or “Mormon” I have read the stories of Nephi’s extraordinary life countless times. I have a Bible and Book of Mormon that I have read in tandem for nearly 30 years. As you can imagine, these scriptures are well-marked and well-worn; lots of dog-eared pages, a few torn sheets, a little water damage here and there, with margins full of scribbled thoughts and many notes pasted in between pages. These volumes are like close friends—I can find favorite passages almost instinctively, through the color of the ink or a note pasted or scribbled on a sheet, or the way the books open to certain pages. A couple months ago, however, I had an impression that I should try studying the scriptures with a fresh approach.

For about four months, I’d traveled almost non-stop for my job. Most nights were spent in hotels, and I found myself with a bit of spare time, in spite of the increased hours I was putting into work. During this time, I fell in love with reading some old classics all over again—Shakespeare, poetry from Whitman, Thoreau, and others, and favorites from my youth, like Tolkien and Ray Bradbury. As I re-read a lot of this stuff—works I hadn’t touched in well over 20 or 30 years, as well as a few pieces I’d never read before, the beauty and complexity and depth of the language, not just the stories, struck me profoundly.

As I pored over these books, I recalled a high school English teacher talking about close reading almost thirty years ago. Close reading is just that—finding new depth and meaning by really exploring the wording, phrasing, syntax, etc. of an author. To me, it is like trying to discover how many new possible layers or meanings you can get out of a paragraph or line, or even the choice of one word. Reading some of these works with the desire to closely read and discover new meaning was a thrill.

Most thrilling, though was taking a similar approach to my study of the Book of Mormon, the 531 pages of which I have read dozens of times in 35 years or so of scripture-reading. I got a new, unmarked, cheap paperback copy of the Book, and started reading for thirty minutes a day or more, noting insights and discoveries in its margins and in a notebook.

The flood of knowledge and insight that filled my mind and heart is indescribable! Approaching the Book of Mormon with a fresh approach, and a newly rekindled desire to discover new direction and meaning within its pages became like a treasure hunt for me, and I found those hidden gems daily. Within just a few days, I gained a belief that I could study just the works of Nephi for months (or even years) and never stop learning from and loving his words. And for the past few months I have been re-reading the words of Nephi, and still finding new connections or insights every day! It's been fun trying to better understand Nephi’s perspective—what he wrote, why he wrote it, what he meant.

Reading with this perspective and a sense of discovery, and not simply reverting to the previous insights I've already had, I have tried to capture my thoughts and will share them with my friends and family. I hope you find a fraction of the pleasure, and the desire to further study, that I have been blessed with by more closely reading the words of the prophet Nephi.